We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
How's work?
Spinning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
