Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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