he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize