Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
