so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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