a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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