My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
