I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
