remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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