Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize