You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
