i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
