If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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