I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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