hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
