OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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