Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
