my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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