Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
