I need help removing her.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
