They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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