I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
