You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
