I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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