I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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