if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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