I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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