Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
