I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
