If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
