Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
