Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
