when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize