I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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