We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
