that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
