ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
