It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
