I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
