Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
