An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
