I wanna passion pit in your ass
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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