GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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