If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
