i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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