1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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