Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
