I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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