If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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