I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hippo gnu deer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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