you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
