OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
