it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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