mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The chlamydia really affected his face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
