Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
