I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My liver just had a heart attack.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
