hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
