What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
