It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize