Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sorry about my life...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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