Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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