She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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