I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
