Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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