I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
