dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
