How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
