I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize