ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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