I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize