I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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