My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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